Lies

When I was in high school, college and after, I had secrets.  I had to lie to my parents.  I had this other part of my life that I couldn't let them in on, that they would not want to know, and that they would just get mad over if they found out.

Here I am again - midlife, with secrets again.  I don't communicate with my dad, so I haven't lied to him yet.  Although when I do see him next, I most likely will have to lie.  Luckily, or unfortunately, my mom taught me how to bend the truth if that was all that was needed, and to lie when necessary.

I get anxious just thinking about the fact that I need to at some point communicate with my dad after all these months of silence.  Every time I think about it.  I can't not communicate with him at all.  But I feel nervous, when I think about seeing him again.  I feel sad, scared, angry, helpless, self doubting, ungrateful, just terrible, really.

But, I can't avoid him forever.  What kind of daughter would I be?