The Trap

I never take my father's word at face value.  His mind is going, but he still has the presence of mind to play games.  He likes to use the bait and trap method.

So, when I see that he tried to call me, and I can't decipher his message, I feel sucked back into the dark adolescent cave of my childhood, where I can be hurt, and no one can really save me.  Even my sisters can't fully understand my fear of my dad, because they two have their own unique experiences with him.  He knew how to fuck with each of the three of us in a specific attentive way.  So, I can't say that I was ignored as a child.  No matter how hard I tried to disappear into my bed, the closet, the backyard...

So, this couple who are cousins on my dad's side go to visit my dad once a month when possible.  They live in Ocala, so it's not a hop, skip or a jump to Lakeland.  And, they are not the springiest of chickens, so, it's quite a tiring day for them.  They went to visit him today.  They got there around noon.  They knocked on the door, and no answer.  They waited.  And waited.  no answer.

My dad is deaf.  He had a cochlear implant many years ago, and his transmitter doesn't work anymore. When my mom's friend told him she would schedule an appointment with the place that makes adjustments, he told her he was going to work on it himself.  Not a good idea.

So, my dad, who lives alone, didn't answer the door at 12 o'clock in the afternoon.  After a while, they called my mom's friend and asked her if she had a key.  She doesn't.  So, they called my dad's attorney and asked advice, and they called a locksmith.  I guess my dad woke up before they had to bust in with the locksmith.

Only someone paranoid and in a declining state of dementia like my dad would  a) live alone at his age and state of mind, when he can afford to pay someone  b) not give anyone a spare key in case of emergency   c) not pay the one person who regularly checks on him about once a week and helps him run errands.

But the only way to change this is with deceptive measures, or force.  Someone or some situation needs to lure him into having a psychiatric evaluation.  Or someone needs to file a court order to declare him incompetent or incapable of taking care of himself.  But who is going to pull the trigger?  And what happens if he somehow squeezes by and is allowed to continue on his own?  It seems impossible, but he can play the game.

If any one of us, me and my sisters, were to file a guardianship proceeding, that would be an unforgivable act.  Not that he doesn't already have grudges against each of us that he holds, or imaginary or twisted grudges against some way we have each wronged him.  But, this, trying to help him, would be viewed as the ultimate act of betrayal, a money grab.  His biggest fear is having someone take it all away.  His biggest fear may become reality if he won't let anyone help him.

I don't even think about this money as my rightful inheritance.  This is in a sense, blood money.  This was accumulated through the emotional degradation of my mom.  Anyway, who sits around waiting for their lone surviving parent to die so they can reap rewards?  That's not how it works.  If my dad doesn't somehow let someone manage his finances, or he isn't ordered to do so, there may not be any inheritance left anyway.

So, my dad asked his cousin to call me.  He wanted her to tell me to come see him, so he could tell me about his properties in the Philippines.  He has told me this before.  He has told me how he needs to tell us about his entire estate.  But he never tells us.  So, I don't know if this is the real reason behind his wanting me to visit, or if there is more to it.  There's always more to it.